Today was not the best day I’ve ever had. In fact, it started out pretty horribly. I woke up this morning and, before I even had time to take a deep breath, I was aware of a huge weight on my chest. I felt like everything was pressing down on me ~ I don’t know what the “everything” was, but I could sense it, and it was hurting me. My body ached, my limbs were tired, my head was swimming. I was made of stone. I wanted to go back to sleep, I didn’t want to get ready for the day. I couldn't. I knew what I would find when I went over to the mirror ~ ugly that couldn’t be covered up by makeup. So, I slept in.
When I finally crawled my way out of bed, I was running late for work. I felt like shit about myself, yet again. Looking in the mirror, as I suspected, didn’t help. I felt worthless and disappointing. It took a while, but I finally got up the courage to go in to work, even though I was late. I had to. I had to take a step in the right direction. I had to face my fears and overcome.
The car ride started off as an anxiety-filled race to my destination. I was trying to get there before all of my problems did. However, halfway through something changed. I was able to come out of my self-conscious fog and breathe. I rolled down the window and felt a fresh breeze blowing across my face, tickling my nose, and filling up my lungs. I could feel the warm spring sun heating the air around me, creating a comforting blanket that allowed me to calm down. It felt like a warm embrace. In those minutes, I remembered why I am fighting. I don’t want to let any more of those moments go by unnoticed. I want to experience as many breezes, sunny days and warm embraces as I can. I remembered that I don’t want to exist, I want to live. I will keep fighting.
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