This time is different. There haven’t been crazy ups followed by paralyzing crashes. There have been ups and downs, of course, but there has been an overarching increase my well-being. I have seen things slowly but surely get better in these past few months. I have taken my treatment one step at a time and have been living my life one day at a time, which I believe has made all the difference. Instead of expecting a sudden miracle, I have allowed everything to slowly fall into place. I am taking time every single day to gauge my mood, my compulsions, my self-image. I am constantly working on my identity and my life, steering myself in the right direction and allowing my past to move me forward instead of hold me back.
I don’t have the same sense of dread that I used to have. I don’t feel like I am going to crash. If I have a bad day, I honestly believe that I can come back from it (and have had to many times before). I am at a place where I never ever thought I would be ~ steadily walking the road to recovery. I had so many days where I would lay in bed and wonder if my life would ever get better, or if I was doomed to exist as a lump for eternity. Would I ever become a real person? Would I ever feel confident or pretty? Would I be able to actually live my life?
I’m definitely on my way, and it feels amazing. I can’t believe I’m here, but I’m so very glad that I am.