Time to make some new plans

I bought a new planner today.  I always buy one around this time of year since I still use an academic planner instead of a yearly one.

In looking back at all my appointments over the last year, I realize what I have accomplished in such a short time.  It’s easy to get caught up in the future and to think about everything we want to improve in our lives, but it’s also important to give ourselves credit for how hard we work and how far we have come.

In September of 2010, I wasn’t sure if I was moving out of Manhattan or not.  I was torn.  My health was plummeting, my financial situation was dismal and I was not living in a very good neighborhood.  I was unhappy, but didn’t want to give up.  I wanted to pull through, find a good job, a better apartment and a therapist who understood me.  The month was filled with job interviews and apartment viewings.  I really wanted to make it work.

By the end of the month, I knew I was going to be moving home.  I wrote notes reminding myself to return belongings to my friends, to give forwarding addresses to my jobs and to buy things like packing tape and paint.  In October 2010, I moved back in with my dad.

October was a month of relaxation and organization.  It was also my birthday month!  I wanted to start my new year with a clean room, and I de-cluttered my physical space so that I could later focus on de-cluttering my mind.  I didn’t write very much in my planner.

In November of 2010 I had my first meeting with a body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) specialist.  This is when my recovery process truly began and I started taking medication that I had never taken before.  On Thanksgiving Day, my entire family came to my house for dinner.  I met my brother’s girlfriend for the first time.  I remember having a giant scratch on my face and feeling pretty uncomfortable, though I mostly enjoyed myself.

December 2010 and January 2011 were filled mostly with doctor’s appointments and a few meetings with a small company I held an internship with at the time. It was unpaid, but I was not nearly healthy enough to be holding a full time job.  My hope was that I could turn the internship into a paid position once I started feeling well enough to work. 

New Years Eve I spent at home alone.  It was partly because I didn’t feel confident enough to go out, and partly because I wanted to be left alone.  Either way, I didn’t feel up for being social.  I rang in the New Year by myself and was just fine with it.

In March 2011 I started my current retail job and celebrated one year of being a vegetarian.  I continued my internship, though I began to debate leaving.  I also continued my appointments with the BDD specialists.

In April 2011 I started this blog!  I wanted a place where I could gather my thoughts surrounding life, BDD, self-esteem and basically anything that I felt was important.  I wanted to start a community where people felt that they could discuss their issues and get support.  I wanted others to know that they are not alone.  I also stopped working at my internship in order to focus on things that really mattered to me, which included my health, my family and my job.  I didn’t feel that the internship was leading to a paid position, nor was I learning anything valuable.  I redirected a lot of my energy towards my blog.

In May I finally started CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy).  My dad and I spent a weekend wandering around Portsmouth, NH.  We ate delicious food, window-shopped and did a lot of walking.  I bought a beautiful pair of teal feather earrings that remind me of Aria from “Pretty Little Liars”.

Father’s Day was in June!  I gave my dad chocolate and cards and my brother was home for the weekend.  I interviewed for a second retail job since I needed to raise my income and had started to feel a little more secure in my appearance.  I always knew that once I started feeling better I would need to get a second job to pay my bills and get out of debt.  I hope to get a full time job (Performing? Blogging? Speaking? Hopefully all of the above) once I am fully recovered.

In July the final Harry Potter movie came out!  One of my best friends from high school and I went to the midnight showing armed with coffee and candy.  I cried my eyes out and laughed hysterically (not at the same time).  I can’t wait for the full boxed set to come out – it will definitely be on my Christmas list!  I also started my second retail job (I am still in training) and began working on recovery alone since my therapist is currently out of the country.  Though I felt like I took a couple of small steps back in my healing this month, I bounced back and have continued to push forward.

I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs this past year, and time has flown by so quickly.  It’s interesting to look back and remember everything that happened and think of where I was physically and mentally in my life when I was writing events down in my planner.

I hope to be in an even better place at this time next year.  I want to fill my new planner up with fond memories and add some more fun tasks to my list.

Do you get as excited about new office supplies as I do?  What objects in your life bring up memories of specific events?

Inspiration

The other day my dad told me that I inspire him.  When I talk with him about my fight for recovery and what I want to accomplish in the next few years, he is inspired to take control of his life and live out his dreams.  He told me I make him realize how life is supposed to be lived.

This is the man that I look up to and learn so much from.  He has been my rock through the most excruciatingly difficult times in my life and has never wavered in his support for me.  He has (and continues to) put a roof over my head and food in my belly because I have been too sick and broke to do so.

He takes care of me, and is helping me grow into the woman I wish to be.  He inspires me, yet my journey inspires him in return.

Who are you inspiring? Who are you fighting for?

I fight because I love my younger cousin.  She is 14 and about to enter high school.  I don’t want her to think that beauty and weight are the most important things in life.  I want her to have an older cousin she can look to for support.

I fight because I have friends in NYC in the performing arts who deal with harsh rejection every day.  They are made to feel that they are not pretty enough, thin enough or good enough.  They hear “no” over and over and over again.  I want them to know that success may be just around the corner, and that fighters come out on top.

I fight because I know that there are others out there who feel lonely and tired.  They don’t know anyone who is dealing with the issues they are facing, and don’t know where to turn for help.  They aren’t sure if life is ever going to get better.  I want them to feel that they have a safe place, a community where they can get the support they need.  I want them to see that recovery is possible, one step at a time.

Fight because you never know who you are inspiring.  I didn’t know that I was inspiring my dad.

I’m just me.  I don’t have an army of people asking for me to lead them to a better life.  My cousin has yet to ask me questions about body image.  My friends in NYC have yet to cry on my shoulder because they feel rejected.  Right now, my fight is my own.  But when the time comes, and I am needed, I want to be there.  I want to be able to be that support.  I fight now so that I can help others fight in the future.

Be Happy

"When I was 5 years old, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They told me I didn't understand the assignment.

I told them they didn't understand life."

— John Lennon

Taking Control vs. Taking Care

My guess is that, if you’re reading this, you are unhappy with some aspect of your life.  If you are completely happy with your life, I suggest you stop reading and go frolic somewhere.

For the rest of us, there are things we want to change.  Maybe it’s our jobs, our bodies or our relationships.

If you’re like me, you like to have complete control over every aspect of your life.  In fact, it’s a necessity.  I need to know my life inside and out, and be able to manipulate it to do what I want.  I want to look a certain way, have a certain job, meet certain people and make a certain amount of money.  I not only envision where I want to be in the future, but I start planning it down to the smallest details. 

I’ve always believed that, unless I was following a very carefully laid path, I would never get anywhere.  I would certainly not end up anywhere I wanted to be.

I think this is how a lot of us operate.  

When we want to lose weight or get in shape, we push ourselves to the limit, forcing our bodies to run more miles, lift more weight, eat healthier meals and avoid dessert (even though it’s sooooo delicious).  

Thousands of products are sold to control our hair, skin and nails.  There are products for even the smallest areas of our bodies (like our cuticles)! 

We try so hard to make jobs and relationships work, even when they are clearly failing, simply because it’s what we should be doing.  It’s the company we should be working for or the person we should be dating.  We’re just going to shove our way through the tough times and bend ourselves until we break.

How anxious does this make you feel?

For me, trying to have complete control over everything has led to some pretty serious breakdowns.  We don’t always get what we want, and life rarely works out the way we planned.  In fact, I’d hazard a guess that life never works out the way we planned.

So for someone who spends their days painstakingly crafting their entire existence and worrying about the future, it’s pretty devastating when the universe intervenes and decides to shake things up a bit.

I get mad at my skin for breaking out and mad at my thighs for being bigger than I want them to be.  I get angry with myself for needing so much time to heal, instead of being able to move forward and reach my dreams.  I get mad that my dreams change sometimes, and that I can’t honestly say where I will end up living or what I’ll be doing with my life five years from now (heck, two years from now).  I get mad when I can’t sleep at night, and also when I’m too tired to stay awake in the middle of the day.  I get angry when all I want for dinner is ice cream.

I’ve been tricked into believing that taking care of myself means forcing certain things to happen because they “should”, so I get mad at myself for things I can’t control, and it’s the fact that I can’t control them that makes me mad in the first place!

What if I released this control?

What if:

Instead of denying my body the food it craves, I eat what I want because my body knows what it needs and when?

Instead of scratching, picking and medicating my skin with different tools and creams, I allow my skin to heal itself and be nourished from the inside out?

Instead of wearing what’s in style, I discover my own personal style based on what I like and what makes me feel good?

Instead of hanging on to old relationships that do not bring me any joy, I allowed myself to grow apart from some people?

Instead of forcing myself to pick a career and plan out exactly how to make it happen, I do what I love and believe that the universe will comply when it’s my time to succeed.

What if we release control?  What if we simply believe with all our might that things are going to work out? What if taking care of ourselves means handling ourselves gently, instead of forcing things to happen? What if “fighting” doesn’t actually involve a struggle?

To theater, or not to theater?

Tonight was the first night of rehearsal of a musical being put on by a local theater.  It’s a theater I have performed for in the past, and one where I made some great friends.  I had an absolute blast performing with them, and had been asked back to audition again this summer.  As you can probably guess, my response was “no thanks”.  It’s true that I have been saying “no” to a lot of things lately, but it’s all relative.  I have a lot of different interests, and lots of people I want to spend time with.  I’m also trying to work as much as I can to pay off debt, get my blog rolling, and learn guitar.  Of course, this is on top of repairing my low self-image and getting healthy.  It’s a lot.  I don’t just want to do these things, I want to do them well ~ they are important to me, and I enjoy them (yes, even working).

I eventually want to be healthy enough to go back to performing, but right now is not that time.  As much as I love being on stage in front of a mic, there are so many things surrounding the performing arts that are hard for me.  It took me a while to recognize this and even longer to openly admit it.  Rehearsal rooms with mirrored walls, dressing rooms, being measured for costumes, being evaluated based on your “look” and your body type, being labeled by strangers as a certain personality or character type because of that look, wearing heavy makeup and sometimes revealing clothing ~ all of these things can act as triggers, and usually they are all going on at once.  I have to believe that I can get to the point where these things will not bother me and I will actually enjoy them. 

I want to sing and I miss performing, but I have to think of my health and my silly little brain first.  It would not be smart of me to run onto a stage right now in the middle of recovery.  Until I am well, I can practice on the side, sing in my shower and hone my skills so that when I am better, I can reward myself with auditions and hopefully some open mics and such.  It was a hard thing to say “no” to, but I feel more in control having done so.  I know that I am really thinking of what I need and not just what I want.

Saying no is hard

I try very hard not to live in a selfish me-me-me bubble, where I go about my days thinking only of myself, while stepping over homeless people and kicking puppies.  Instead, when someone needs help, I want to be the one to jump in and make everything better.  I want to make a difference, to be the solution to the problem.  Whenever I am asked to do something, be it for my friends or my boss, I try to make it happen.  Lately I’ve been realizing that this isn’t always the best plan of action (as it’s literally impossible to do everything for everyone) and I have been slowly learning how to say “no”. 

Case in point: a couple of opportunities came up recently that I had to turn down (albeit with some hesitation).  I was approached by employees of two small, local companies asking me if I would be willing to come in and help them plow through some paperwork and make a bunch of phone calls.  They wouldn’t be able to pay me, but it would be a “great resume builder” and, most importantly, would “really help them out”.  My immediate reaction was to say “yes”.  Not only do I believe in the mission of both companies, but I also wanted to help them catch up on their work and possibly put them ahead of the game.

Unfortunately, I am not in a place to take an unpaid position, especially if it's going to require a good deal of my time.  I am trying to pay off my student debt, and am most likely going to need to take a second paid job as it is.  Two jobs, plus blogging, plus practicing my music, plus making sure I am taking care of myself and working hard at therapy (my number one priority) doesn’t leave me much time to take on two internships just because “it would really help them out”.  Because, as easy as it sounds to file paperwork and make phone calls, it’s pretty difficult to do when you’re dead and/or a raging ball of stress.

So I said no to both, which initially led to aforementioned ball of stress.  I knew that I was letting people down (if only temporarily, because I’m sure they’ll find someone else) and the fact that I couldn’t be the person they could count on was like a punch to the stomach.  I spent a long time walking around my room in circles, taking deep breaths and reminding myself why I said “no” and why it’s okay.

After doing so, I feel so much better.  I know that I am taking care of myself and making decisions that benefit me.  In the future, I do want to be the person to rely on, but I can’t do that if I am not strong myself. Until then, I have to learn how to make tough decisions and only allow good things into my life ~ things that are going to help me get better and get me closer to where I want to be ~ healthy, happy and generally kicking butt.

I will learn to assert my independence

Here’s the thing about having a body image disorder ~ it takes you a lot longer to figure out who you are and just how much you are capable of.  I spent my childhood under the thumb of my parents ~ I was a perfect child.  I did well in school, sports and music.  I never smoked, did drugs, drank, snuck out of the house or dated anyone my parents disapproved of.  I was always in before curfew, finished my homework on time and ate dinner with my family every night.  I knew the meaning of the word “no” and almost never argued.  My dad often shakes his head when talking about raising me and says, “You were just so great.  You made being a parent easy!”  (He says the same thing about my brother, but as this story is about me, we’ll ignore the fact that he was also a little rule-following machine).

Somewhere in those years I grew up, though I don’t really remember it happening.  All I remember was doing what I was told, succeeding, following rules, succeeding some more and then, just like that, I graduated from high school and was expected to be an adult.  Apparently I was supposed to have figured out who I was at some point.  No worries, though, if you don’t quite know what you want or who you are, well that’s what college is for.  That’s apparently the rule – if you don’t find yourself before 17, you must do it during your college years.  Okay, sure.  I’ll figure out who I am.

But they sent me off without any guidelines.  I didn’t have any restrictions or curfews.  My parents were not there to shelter me, to tell me what to do.  I could choose who my friends were, what classes I wanted to take, whether or not I wanted to do sports.  No one had prepared me for this.  All I knew was how to do exactly what was expected of me.  I could succeed when asked, but I had no idea how to do it on my own.

I crumbled.  My sense of inadequacy grew exponentially.  My identity and self-worth became even more wrapped up my appearance, as I had seemingly nothing else going for me.  But when your entire being is based on the way you look, and you hate the way you look, you begin to hate yourself.  I spent all of college (and beyond) hating myself without even knowing who I was.  I simply looked in the mirror, felt ashamed, horrified and enraged, and lived unquestioningly with those emotions for years.

During this time I was lucky if I could wake up on time, brush my teeth and make it to class/work, never mind “discover myself”.  My life was my body image disorder.  All of my thoughts and actions were wrapped up in it.  The friends I made, the classes I chose, the sports I participated in ~ everything was dictated by my disorder.  The disorder replaced my overprotective parents and told me what I should be doing and when.  It practically screamed out loud at me when I would disobey it.  I didn’t know enough to fight back.

I’ve spent the years since graduation trying to fight, and have finally asked for help in doing so.  I am just now starting to see things get better, though I know I have a long way to go before reaching “the end” and being healed.  Among many others, one of the things I have had to teach myself is how to assert my independence.  I went from living a sheltered, protected, structured childhood to an early adulthood crafted by mental illness.  I have never learned how to be my own person, how to make demands, how to say no, how to hold my own beliefs or stand up for what I feel is right.  At 24 years old, I feel that I have a lot to learn and a long way to go before I can claim that I am an independent adult. 

So I'll leave you with a handy list.

Things I need to learn in order to be a real live person:

·       How to say “no” – I can not and will not try to please everyone.  I have learned that by trying to make everyone else happy, you inevitably neglect yourself.  No longer.  Not that I am going to intentionally ignore everyone else and that I’m going to cut myself off from my friends, but there are certain times when I need to stop and focus on myself instead of trying to figure out what everyone else wants.

·       I don’t need a second opinion on everything – I can make decisions on my own, I don’t need to ask someone else to evaluate my decision or to be there when I make it.  I can just do it.

·       I need to stop being in constant communication with others.  I work with the public, so I am in contact all day with new people, trying to make sure they are happy and getting them to communicate their needs.  When running errands, I am surrounded by people.  When at home, I am almost always there with my dad or brother.  When I go out, obviously I am with my friends.  So why do I feel the need to chat online with my friends or check email during my only periods of “me time”?  I have become so accustomed to having people around telling me what to do, that I can’t just sit with myself and be okay.  I need to learn to be okay as a separate entity – as me and only me.  I can choose to let others in, but I don’t want to be dependent on someone always being there.

·       I need to allow myself to be.  Instead of trying to carve myself into being a certain person, I need to finally take the time I have always needed to “discover myself”.  To do what I love.  To try and fail.  To assert myself.  To try new things and meet new people.  To live my life and take from it what I wish.  To be happy.  To be me.

Just call me Cinderella

Spring cleaning is still in full force around here.  As I mentioned previously, I believe that a cluttered space inhibits productivity and leads to unnecessary stress.  So often, we are surrounded by stuff.  Things don’t help us, they just get in the way.  So, I have been trying to eliminate anything that I feel is extra, useless, or otherwise hindering my genius. (That last bit was a joke).

I started with my closet and dresser, and am proud to say that I’ve kept up with the organization.  I no longer let my hamper overflow before doing laundry, and I almost always put things where they belong at the end of the day (some nights I leave clothing in a pile, but I always attend to it the next morning).   Maintaining organization doesn’t take very much effort when done in regular, small bits, and I’ve noticed that my “what am I going to wear?!” and “where the hell is that shirt!?” stress has gone way down.  Also, laundry is way less daunting when you do it one load at a time instead of three loads in a row.

Boo yah.

Next up on the list: desk and accessories (makeup, hair products, jewelry, nail polish, etc).  No, these two things are not remotely related, but they’re both small areas and I didn’t want to cheat by giving them each their own cleaning day.

Organizing accessories and makeup is exactly the same as organizing clothing, except the items are smaller (duh).  I went through all of my headbands, hair gel, necklaces, rings, everything and tossed out items that I knew were old, worn out, stretched out or that I knew I would never wear/use again.  I also tossed out makeup and nail polish that I knew were too old and therefore probably not so great to be putting on my skin.

If you’re unsure about how old is too old, check out this list from about.com.  It gives you a good idea of when you should be tossing your products

Normally I’m a concealer, mascara, chapstick girl, so I don’t need to own a ton of makeup.  I’d rather have a few things that I really like so that I can find them when I want to use them.  Same with jewelry – I love earrings and usually wear a different pair every day, but rings and long necklaces get in the way at my job, so I can’t often wear them.  I’m not going to keep a huge collection of jewelry around “just in case”.  Clutter = bad. BAD I say!

Just keep in mind what your daily life is like.  If you are someone who likes to wear makeup and experiment with different eyeshadow combinations, you’re going to want to hang on to more than someone who, like me, will go with or without depending on my mood.  If you work in an office, you can probably wear more jewelry than someone who works with children.  The whole point of an extensive cleaning/organizing spree is to get your life in order.  Don’t worry about what everyone else has or wears or what makeup they are using.  Keep what you like, need and use and toss the rest.  Trust me, you’ll feel better.

The desk organization was a little more daunting.  Since I’m clearly in the middle of a “holy crap, what is my life?” phase, my workspace is really more of an ambiguous project arena.  I’m a post-it note/to-do list freak, so I had a billion little pieces of paper and stacks of half-filled notebooks everywhere.

The first thing I did was remove everything that didn’t even resemble work ~ things like my jewelry box, nail polish, pictures, a Sponge Bob toy (you heard me), books, etc.  They can all go other places:  pictures on the wall, books on the nightstand, Sponge Bob on a shelf.  It’s so much harder to focus on work when I can’t actually see what I’m working on.

Then I made a trip to Staples, picked up some 3-ring binders and came home to get my file on.  I went through every piece of paper and determined if I really needed to hold on to it.  Some things, like expired coupons, old to-do lists and phone numbers that are programmed into my phone, were easy to throw out.  Papers I knew I should hold on to, like anything to do with student loans (gross), I sorted, 3-hole punched and put in a binder.

I now have four binders on my desk (standing up in a handy holder I found) ~ one is for student loan info, one for recipes (since I usually look them up online and print them at my desk), one for expense reports and one for miscellaneous info (car insurance paperwork, prescriptions, a rules and regulations handbook from work).  I also took my plethora of notebooks and combined them into one notebook ~ the ultimate notebook! The notebook to end all notebooks! It’s epic, if you couldn’t tell.  It’s basically like a journal, where I write down anything that comes to my mind during the day – things I need to do and ideas pertaining to my blog, work or really just about anything ~ I like having it all in one place.  That way, at the end of the day, I can flip through and see what I jotted down and what I need to accomplish and make a to-do list for the following day. 

For those who are wondering, I also keep a mini notebook and a planner in my purse.  The mini notebook is for on-the-go revelations and the planner has all of my appointments in it, ‘cause I’m a busy girl.  Again, whatever works for you. Some people like to keep multiple notebooks, some need to write on graph paper, others stick lists on their refrigerator.  It doesn’t matter what your system is, as long as you have one.  I’m not saying that I am going to become an organization freak, or that I’ll panic if I can’t get through a to-do list.  I just like that I now know where everything is, that my paperwork has a designated spot and I can *gasp* see my desk.  It’s a Christmas miracle! (I’m aware that it’s May.  Don’t think too hard about it).

Up Next (and Last!): Bookshelf organization, aka: holy crap, girl, too many books.

Why you lookin' in my drawers?

Just as I split this wardrobe organization post in two, I split the actual organizing into halves as well.  Meaning, after the Epic Clothing Clearout of 2011, I had giant bags of “to donate” clothing in the corner, while the rest of my wardrobe was laid out in piles on my floor.  And then I went to bed.  It’s not that I have a ton of clothing, but trying on everything you own in one day (especially when you’re not exactly a fan of mirrors) is a draining process.  I say, if you need to take extra time, do so.  This is supposed to help you, so don’t let it freak you out.

The second day was spent dusting the dresser, vacuuming the inside of the closet and putting clothes away.  I was actually able to keep everything in my room, as opposed to having a separate storage area for off-season clothing. Oh, except my coats, which are in the coat closet.  Go figure. 

I have five drawers in my dresser.  Here’s how I utilized them:

·       First drawer: hats and gloves, belts, tights, sports bras

·       Second drawer: underwear, bras, socks of all sizes, more tights

·       Third drawer: left half is for athletic attire, right half is for pajamas

·       Fourth drawer: tanks, t-shirts, camisoles

·       Fifth drawer: off season bottoms (shorts in the winter, pants in the summer)

The closet took me a while to organize, but it’s so much easier to pick out clothing now.  Before, I just threw things on hangers and hung them wherever they would fit.  Not anymore, sir! Now all of my skirts, dresses, blazers, cardigans and so forth are hung nicely on hangers and are arranged by type.  Meaning, my dresses and skirts are all hanging together, my blazers are together, my hoodies have been reunited, etc.  This way, when I’m looking for a skirt, I don’t have to comb the entire closet to find one.  I know exactly where they are.

The biggest task for me now is going to be keeping it this way.  It took me such a long time to go through everything, and I don’t want to mess it up.  I also need to make sure that I don’t start adding clutter by purchasing things I’m not going to wear or that I don’t really need. 

Speaking of shopping, organizing your wardrobe in this way allows you to see where you may have "holes".  For example, all of my belts were either worn through or completely the wrong size.  I had to donate/chuck them.  This left me belt-less and afraid.  Mostly just belt-less.  I meandered over to one of my favorite stores and picked up a couple of new belts that fit and that I knew I would wear.  Hole patched!

My wardrobe organization is not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but it's a small step.  Little victories give us the motivation to continue on to the next challenge, which is why breaking larger goals down into pieces is so helpful.  I can now cross one thing off my giant Life Cleanse To-Do List, and I feel proud of that accomplishment.

Spring Cleaning: Hide ya kids, hide ya wives, cause they cleaning evrythang up in here

I realize the title reference is “old news”, but it still makes me giggle.

Anyways, I very clearly have things I want to change in my life.  Following my own advice, I have decided to take it one step at a time.  Otherwise, making the changes would be extremely daunting and very little would get done.  Read: the past 5-7 years of my existence.  Yikes.

First thing on my list: CLEAN.  I’m not talking about your typical “oh, let’s organize that messy pile into a neater pile” cleaning, or the “it’s spring, maybe I should dust” cleaning.  I’m talking about full on, “go through everything you own and throw 1/3 of it away because you didn’t even know you owned it” cleaning.

I am a firm believer that a cluttered space leads to a cluttered mind, and I have enough going on in my mind as it is.  Hence, major habitat cleaning.

Since I’m living at my dad’s, the only spaces I really have to worry about/gain control over are my bedroom, closet and bathroom.  That’s right, I have my own bathroom.  Boo yah.  Makes the living at home thing about 16 times easier.

Let’s start with closet/dresser organization.  I’ve grouped them together because I want to go through all of my clothing at the same time.  Here’s what I did:

·       I started with one “type” of clothing ~ e.g. t-shirts ~ and went through each item within that category, throwing out anything that was stained, ripped, obviously didn’t fit (before even trying it on) or that I was positive I would never wear again.

·       I continued to clean out each category of clothing this way, one at a time.  This included shoes, off-season clothing and jackets.  Scarves, hats and gloves also got the once-over.

·       After I removed the items I knew I wouldn’t miss (to later be turned into rags, donated or simply thrown out, depending) I went back through everything one category at a time.  This time through, I tried on literally every single item I owned to see how it fit.  That’s right ~ underwear, bras and socks included, plus bathing suits before official bathing suit season.  This may sound like I’m overdoing it, but I owned some things that just didn’t fit.  If underwear fits awkwardly I’m not going to wear it and it’s just taking up space in my drawers (no pun intended).  Same with socks that are too big and slouchy, itchy sweaters, shorts that I can take off without unbuttoning them (true story) and things that I just don’t like anymore.  All good items went into a donation bag and were whisked away to be, well, donated.

All remaining articles of clothing are pieces that I like, that fit well, that match things in my closet (meaning they can be made into outfits) and that I know I will wear.  It’s awesome.  I don’t have to dig through things that I don’t wear to get to the shirts/pants/booty shorts I enjoy wearing.  Wait, what? That’s a lie, I don’t wear booty shorts.

It also helped me to see just how much clothing I had that I didn’t need.  I wear old t-shirts to bed, and I had started accumulating pajama tops like there was no tomorrow.  I try to do laundry once every week or two, and I tend to wear the same PJs at least two nights in a row.  I don’t know if this is normal or gross, but that’s just how I roll.  Therefore, I don’t need 14 old t-shirts just to wear to bed.  It’s science.  I tossed the extras.

Keep this in mind when going through your wardrobe.  Even if they all fit, do you really need 7 white tees?  If you do, great.  If you tend to only wear one or two before doing laundry, the rest are just taking up space.

Remember: digging through clutter, searching for things, and holding on to items for no reason just adds unnecessary stress to your life.  Take the time to really decide what you need and what you can get rid of.

If you want to change your life, change it one thing at a time.

We all have things in our life we would like to improve, be it our weight, our eating habits, our organizational skills or our job.  I know I have had times when I’ve felt in need of an entire life makeover ~ nothing seemed to be going my way and I just wasn’t happy.  I wanted to change everything.  If I could, I probably would have thrown my life out the window and started over with a new one.

Looking back, I’m pretty glad I didn’t.

If you really think about it, how frightening would it be to wake up one morning with a completely different life?  Think of all the movies based on this very premise – none of the main characters were exactly psyched to wake up in someone else’s body (e.g. Lindsey Lohan in “Freaky Friday”).  Not good ~ mental breakdowns everywhere.

In other words, if you’re going to make some big changes, make them one at a time.  Don’t expect your life to change overnight.  Write down everything you want to improve upon ~ big or small ~ and list them from highest priority to lowest.  Seriously, go do it.  I’ll wait.

Did you do it?! I hope so.  It’ll help more than you think.  You can even roll your eyes while you’re writing, as long as you’re making that list.

Great.  Now get started on the first goal by breaking it into small, manageable pieces.  “Get a job that I love” is daunting, as is “lose 50 pounds and look like a total babe”.  These aren’t even one step processes, people!  There is no store in the world that sells “fantastic jobs that pay well” or “abs that make grown men cry”.  If there were, this post would be WAY shorter.

Example: Let’s pretend you want to purchase a new car because your current vehicle has been driven almost to the point of explosion. Setting a goal to “save up money for a car” is unreasonable because it doesn’t give you a jumping off point.  Be more specific.  Set a goal to save $5,000 for a car (I have no idea what your budget is, I just chose a number.  Maybe you want to save $2,000, or $10,000. )  Now, what are you going to do to reach that goal?

a.     Put all magazine/newspaper subscriptions on hold

b.     Cancel cable (watch TV online instead)

c.      Use coupons at the grocery store

d.     Buy generic – no brand names

e.     Shopping hold! 3 months

f.      Work overtime/pick up part-time job (Babysitting? Freelancing?)

Now, I don’t know your life. (Everybody yell: GIRL, YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!) Without having met you, I can’t tell you what to get rid of, how to make extra money, etc.  This is just an example of how specific your list should be.  This gives you actual tasks to perform until you reach your goal.  You can even check in on yourself and see if you are following your own rules.  So much easier to manage and stay on top of than something general like “stop doing bad stuff and start doing good stuff.” Ya know?!

The other thing to note is this:  don’t freak out about what step comes next, or how long each item on your list is going to take.  Don’t stay up all night plotting ways to make the process faster, or start thinking about item #5 before you’ve even gotten halfway through #1.  Stressing out and skipping ahead puts you right back at the beginning, which is where you are now.  Take it one step at a time. 

You will get to where you want to be, you’re just not going to get there rightthisverysecond. It’s going to take some time and effort.  Take a deep breath, go forth and conquer.

Still having trouble getting started? Check out http://zenhabits.net/begin/